Coach Drivers' Tales

This is an area of the Vallances Coaches website that has been set aside for the entertainment of everyone. As well as being very funny, we guarantee that each of these stories is absolutely true! We will update this section every time we have a new story to add. Feel free to submit your own stories (coach driver or passenger or other) by following the link at the bottom of the page (note that all stories will be filtered for unsuitable language). We aren’t easily shocked, and we promise to add any story that tickles our fancy – so go for it!

Humorous moments recalled by an ageing coach driver

The hen night was almost over and it was about 3.30 am. Only two ladies were left on the coach, the Bride-to-be and her best friend. On arriving at the last of the many drop offs we were outside the home of the Bride-to-be, who was by this time completely out of this world and her friend was quite drunk too.

To cut a long story short, I had to carry her off the coach, into the house and put her on the couch. During this time her clothes had become disarranged so i decided to tidy her up a little. As I was trying to put her breast back into its resting place, who should come into the room but her DAD!

Thank goodness he accepted my explanation for it all.

On tour with the senior citizens

It was a hot day when we arrived at our destination. After i had unloaded all the old dears, I had my sandwiches and, as we all do, I got my head down for a while. Being a spectacle wearer, I took off my glasses and put them down on the front seat – you may already have guessed what happened next.

The first lady back was early, as usual, and down she sat on the front seat and broke the frame of my glasses. With no opticians open on a Sunday, I resorted to the first aid box for plasters. I stuck the lens to my eyebrow and forehead and drove sixty miles back to the hotel. Every time I braked the lens moved forward on their elastoplast hinges – putting me in and out of focus but at least we made it back.



Yet another hen night, 53 ladies from a nearby factory to TIFFANYS at Sheffield !
Returning south on the M1, I noticed a build up of traffic behind me not wanting to overtake at all. The reason soon became clear to me as I glanced through the interior mirror – 5 GIRLS WITH THEIR KNICKERS DOWN MOONING THROUGH THE BACK WINDOW


Walking down the aisle of a coach during a head count, I put my hand on the headrest of a seat and trapped a ladies hair, who at the same time sneezed and shot forward leaving me holding her wig (bald as a coot , AND NOT AMUSED!)

If you have a bus related story that you think others would get a chuckle from, then email it to us here at Vallances – if we’re suitably impressed it could end up here!